Underage and Pregnant

Before you think anything - no. Haha! I'm 1) not underage, and 2) not pregnant. Just to clear that up! :P

Instead, I have to admit that the BBC TV show Underage and Pregnant is one of my guilty pleasures. It is a little bit trashy, but it is just really fascinating. It's really interesting to learn about the stories of a number of different girls about what led to them becoming pregnant and why they decided to keep the babies and become teenage (underage!) mums. One thing I like about the programme is that they have shown a spectrum of girls from different backgrounds. Of course, there are the 'stereotypical' girls from low-income families, who were always in trouble at school, had a string of boyfriends, and have ended up in council housing. But there are also girls from more affluent families, and where the girls are intending to go off to university one day.

Although I disagree with many of the choices they've made (!), it is actually a strangely inspiring show sometimes. Sometimes I cringe and wish that someone would intervene and take the babies away from the girls who are obviously too immature to deal with the responsiblity (or feel sorry for the girl's parents who end up carrying a lot of the burden of childcare), but more often than not, the girls rise to the challenge of motherhood and put a lot of motivation into making a good life for themselves and their child. I also have a lot of respect for these girls who have decided to keep their babies and own up to the consequences of their actions. It's easy to point a finger, but many of the girls could have decided to have abortions, but chose not to. They chose instead to value the life inside of them and to live with the scorn from others.

I love finding out about other people's lives and what makes them tick. Over the past few months I have watched SO many documentaries. Again, some a little trashy at times perhaps (6 Boys And Wanting a Girl, Surrogate Mothers, Baby Beauty Queens, Jail Date, Mail Order Bride), but fascinating to find out the thoughts and emotions and experiences behind the choices people make. (However, at one point I realised I was watching too many about mums and babies as I dreamt one night that my housemate was pregnant, and later that I was pregnant!)

I think that's also why I like watching vloggers on YouTube. Vlogs may not necessarily delve as deeply into a specific issue as documentaries do, but they do give insight into a person's life and their thoughts and experiences.

I want to understand people better, to find out about lots of different walks of life, so that I can relate to people better. I have my personal beliefs, but I desperately don't want to be closed minded or ignorant. I want to discover what is at the heart of other people so I can interact with them in ways that touch their lives in the best and most sensitive way possible.

So... care to watch a documentary with me, anyone? :)

If anyone is actually reading this, what do you think? What's your opinion on potentially trashy documentaries? Or, what is your TV guilty pleasure (Slightly trashy documentaries are only one of mine! There are more! Oh the shame!)?

I Don't Belong Here

I've been thinking a lot about identity recently.

The Olympics earlier this year made me realise how British I feel rather than American. It made me seriously consider applying for dual citizenship (something I would do in an instant, if it weren't for the small matter of £700 standing in my way). I realised I was much more emotionally involved in how well team GB was doing rather than the USA team.

One of my modules for my degree this year was titled "Identity, Culture, and Education". It was a great module, looking at a lot of aspects of education and how it relates to society and identity. We looked at issues of identity formation, British national identity, and how identity changes over time. One thing that was stressed was that identity is a complex issue. That resonated with me!

The start of the World Cup within the last few days has also, like the Olympics, made me assess my own feelings of identity. The England-USA match today was a particular test of my allegiances to two countries that I hold dear to my heart. My decision in the end was to celebrate when either team scored a goal, the intention being to stay true to both countries! However, as one friend commented, "If you do that, you belong to neither, not both". I'm not sure whether I think that is true or not.

My family moved to England 10 years ago (as of this July), and for probably about 7 or 8 of those I have struggled with where I belong. Whenever we went back to America to visit, I was considered the 'English girl', and within my community here in England I was always seen as the 'American girl'. My accent is a strange mingling of American and British (although, some people recently have been surprised to find I was American. YES :D).

A very defining moment, which at the time actually didn't feel very important, significant, or emotional, but has since been a key phrase of my life, happened when I was in Sixth Form at school. At the end of a Thursday, I had two free periods, but sometimes I would decide to wait around at school to walk home with my friends at the end of the school day instead of walking home by myself. My best friend was taking Sociology, a subject i had interest in but chose not to study. On a few occasions, I went to her lessons with her, and asked the teacher if I could sit in. I think I surprised and baffled him! After having done this a few times, the teacher, Mr. Blundell looked at me and sighed, "Joy, you don't BELONG here".

I don't belong here.

Sometimes that phrase has been painful. Sometimes I have wished so desperately to feel like I belong in this country. Sometimes that phrase has been untrue. I have felt very much at home here and have felt so accepted and loved by so many friends. Recently, that phrase has filled me with joy.

Realising that I don't belong here has brought me to be reminded that as Christians, none of us belong here. As Philippians 3:20 writes, we are "citizens of heaven". That is so freeing! We don't need to belong to this world, fit in, or feel like we're at home. Many times recently I've felt a restlessness that I couldn't quite place my finger on. I realised later that it's a restlessness of not feeling at home in this world. I went to church one Sunday a few weeks ago and in the time of worship after the sermon I cried and cried and cried. Not really because of feeling that I don't belong, or grief that I don't belong to this world. It was more a release of all the feelings stored inside of me related to belonging and identity.

I don't belong here! That is a joyful thing! We belong to God. This world is only temporary. :)

I love the ending of this song, 'The Beautiful Letdown' by Switchfoot:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYxFEFklMPA

I don't belong here :)

Blog Blog Blog Blog

So.

I haven't updated this in months... literally.

Not that anyone read this anyways! Hmm. However, I feel that blogging may become a fun procrastination pasttime for the imminent exam season, so i may try to update this more regularly. But now that I've said that it clearly wont' happen and I will end up living in shame with this blog post to prove the fact that I didn't keep my word. I said MAYBE people. Maybe.

Today i had to pack up all of my possessions (well, not ALL) as I'm back to uni tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it - will be so good to see my housemates again and be back in that wonderful city. However, I'm also feeling the slight nervous-dread feeling that I often get before leaving home. I love my family, it's never easy to leave, even if I do love uni. I'm not one to get massively homesick or anxious about leaving my family, but I think it's my body's nagging feeling to remind me that a part of me belongs with them.

I think I may have a nap. I'm tired today.

Until next time... and hopefully there will be a next time in less than 7 months, haha :)

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Happy thing of the day: This video. Oh my, I laughed so hard. She's so cute. (And may or may not remind me in some ways of myself at that age. Or at my age now.)

Success = one-sidedness?

I feel like in order to be successful, you have to be one-sided. 

Let me explain.

I have always enjoyed being talented in many areas - it's a bit of a family trait. Not that I can do everything, or that I can do all that I do excellently, but I have enjoyed interest and a certain amount of talent across a number of subjects and activities. 

For instance, I've always loved music, and it is one of my greatest passions. I play piano, flute, guitar, and I love singing. However, I also enjoy dance - I took ballet and tap as a child, took Dance GCSE, and found a lot of enjoyment in dancing in local musicals. I also like art - creating visual art is something which satisfies my need for creativity, and I also did Art GCSE. My grandmother was an artist, and many of my friends study art, and so is is something I understand and appreciate. But for these reasons, I never was Grade 8 in any musical instrument, and although talented, I have never been as good of a dancer or artist as many people I know. If I had focussed on one, would I have achieved more?

It's the same in academics - I was different to some in that I took English Language, Maths, and Psychology for A-Level. Three different disciplines, instead of three related ones (such as Chemistry, Physics, and Maths like some of my friends did). 

I really loved Psychology at school, and so I chose to do it alongside Education Studies for my degree, which is working out well. However, I've now decided to become a secondary school Maths teacher, which will probably require me to do an extra year of Maths knowledge enhancement after I graduate. It seems silly in some ways to have chosen Psychology instead of Maths - but I know that although I am good at Maths, I wouldn't have coped at university level. 

I worry that in order to get into a good teaching course for Maths after I graduate, I should get lots of experience in Maths-related things in the next couple of years to show my commitment to the subject. However, the love of English and reading won't leave me alone either! I have a genuine passion to see people learn to read well and to get children engaged in books and reading. It's something I've considered doing my dissertation on in some way. Today I sent an email to the local library in the town I'm at university in to ask if I can volunteer at any reading groups or help with any initiatives they have to get children excited about reading. 

But as I thought about it, I'm wondering if that is the best course of action. As I said, I should probably improve on my Maths experience, not my English experience, if I want to get into a good course and get a good job as a Maths teacher. And where does that leave the Psychology side of my degree? 

It doesn't bother me to a great level, it only really occurred to me this afternoon - but it is frustrating that I feel like I can't be a well-rounded person. I know that many employers etc. look for well-rounded people, so hopefully it will pay off one day! I guess it just feels like right now, I need to make myself more focussed in order to be successful. 

Hmm. What to do?

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Happy thing of the day: Tea. Enough said.

Sleepy

I'm sleepy. So this may be short. :o)

Today was awesome! Perfect Bank Holiday weather... sunny, mainly clear skies, relatively WARM! I took the opportunity go on a (just under) 10 mile bike ride down the nature trail in my town. I hadn't done that for ages, and I'm so glad I did. Was nice to enjoy the weather and it made me feel nice and healthy... And on the plus side, I think I'm fitter than I used to be because it wasn't as painful as I remembered! Haha. 

Good times... lots else happened today too, but I don't feel like writing any more. Sorry! I'd rather not bore you by pointless ramblings about everything I did today. 

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Happy Thing of The Day: Homemade Cherry Pie (although the photo linked is not the pie I made, I did make a cherry pie today!)

Easter, Camp Rock, and Waffles

Yay for Easter Sunday! Those of you who saw my Twitter or my Facebook status today (which is probably none of you) will know that I am "joyful because Jesus Christ changed the world forever". :oD I had a funny comment conversation with my friend on my Facebook status that went like this:

That made me smile :o)

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This afternoon Camp Rock was on the telly... we didn't plan on watching it, I think we were all a bit ashamed to admit that we thought it might be fun. But we ended up all sitting round and enjoying the Disney cheese and predictability and general hilarity. And surprisingly, it wasn't that bad - not top quality entertainment, but definitely fun. 

We had waffles for dinner - with bacon too! Yummmmm. I think waffles and bacon on Easter Sunday evening should be a new family tradition to add to the existing tradition of pizza on Christmas Eve. :o) hehe. 

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Happy Thing of the Day: When the two characters in a film/tv show finally get together, when they clearly have loved each other all along. :o)

Babies

I absolutely love babies. They're just so adorable, and have that natural talent of being able to make people smile. They're so cuddly, and just generally are amazing. I can't wait to be a mum! Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a mum yet! I'm happy to wait a few years until I'm married and settled and all that. I love my life as a student at the moment, I wouldn't want to be a mum right now. But I can't wait for when I do become a mum. :o)

This morning my mum had some younger mums and babies around at our house for a mum and baby group she runs. I generally hid upstairs in my room so that I was out of the way, but I did get to see one absolutely adorable little girl. Her eyes were huge, and she was so alert, checking out the new house and new people. Awwwwww! *girly moment*

On a related note, here is one of my favourite videos to make me smile:

Hehe.... :o) There's something so amazing about baby's laughs - not those funny 'evil baby' laughs that you find on many videos on YouTube - but genuine joyful laughs... I love it. 

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Happy Thing of The Day: (besides baby laughs!) Colourful Highlighters